More adoption stuff

I posted an adoption update on my other blog (you can click the Our Pearl of Africa link to the right to get there)....

It is password protected, and the password has changed. If you are interested in seeing it you'll have to send me an email to get the new password. Email is charissaurban@yahoo.com

Thanks to those who have stood with us for the continued prayers and encouragement.

I really enjoyed reading all the comments on yesterday's post about how we tend to avoid making conversation about characteristics in people that are unique and different. I found the responses very interesting. Be sure to go back and read if you didn't have a chance.

I met a girl once with one blue eye and one green eye. I was absolutely fascinated with this, and I thought it was beautiful and interesting. Instead of telling her this, I pretended I didn't notice it, for fear of offending her. I wish now I would have told her how beautiful and fascinating I thought it was.

I meant to mention too in that last post, only because I have been asked a few times recently, about how I care for Ava's scalp. I really don't do much of anything. I shave it maybe once a week, just because there are a few stray strands that still grow here and there. She has lost much, much more hair even since I first shaved it a few months ago. And if we're going to be out much I put sunscreen on it. It's sad she has gotten several cuts and scrapes and now has a couple of little scars on her head. :( I have read that alopecia comes and goes, so who knows, maybe we will all know the Ava with hair again someday.

Here is a picture for you....This is my 91 year old grandmother (on the right) who lives in Reedley, CA who is being introduced for the first time (by my mom on the left) to the world of blogging. :) My dad sent me this picture today of Grandma reading my blog. How cute. I love that lady. Both ladies actually. Wish they didn't each live over 1,000 miles away....in two different directions. :(

A little bald girl

Just curious...If you didn't know our family, and you were to see us in public, would you feel awkward talking to us because our daughter has no hair? Would you feel like you couldn't acknowledge that for fear of hurting our feelings or upsetting us? Or what would your rationale be for not mentioning it?

I am asking this because when we are in public, Ava gets stares and we get questions ALL the time from little kids...I mean seriously, all the time.

Yet I think I can count on one hand the number of adult strangers who have even acknowledged the fact. (And most of those were on our trip to Missouri. Maybe Missourians are more outgoing than Oklahomans?)

Take the little boy in the striped shirt for example. When I asked him if Ava could ride on the merry-go-round with him, he said, "Sure! Does she have cancer?" I answered that no, she didn't have cancer, she has a condition called alopecia that keeps her head from being able to grow hair. He said, "Oh, that's like cancer though, right?" :) I LOVE innocent questions like this.



I stood in Hobby Lobby today and had a 10 minute conversation with a woman who wanted to talk all about Ava and Down Syndrome, since she has a 50 yr. old sister with Down Syndrome. But, as I expected, because she was an adult, the question didn't come up about Ava's head. Many times I mention it anyway, just because I know people are wondering, but today I let her talk and talk, wondering if she would ever ask. And she didn't. :)

I admit, I have always been one to not ask personal questions such as this as well. After all that would be rude, right? But having this 'special' little girl in my life has made me see things differently. Now I prefer people wouldn't pretend to not notice, I would prefer people not just feel sorry or wonder, but to openly acknowledge her unique qualities. I don't mind answering questions and sharing her story. Every person in our family is very proud of Ava, and we think she is still just as beautiful without hair as she ever was with it.

I will say this....having a bald child has had some benefits. We have had our meals paid for in restaurants by random strangers on more than one occasion. We get occasional discounts and moved up to the head of the line. On occasions like that maybe it's best people not ask. ;)

I have been experimenting with some changes in her diet, just because it would make sense that her diet must have changed dramatically after joining our family, and maybe that is the reason for such dramatic hair loss. I reasoned that sugar and gluten were probably not something she had much of for the first four years of her life. Remember she drank broth, vegetables and rice pureed in her bottle.

For the last two months I cut all sugar out of her diet. When that didn't make a bit of difference we gave in on the sugar and last week we started her on a gluten free diet. There is absolutely no guarantee it will make a difference at all, but I feel like I owe it to her to do whatever I can.

For your enjoyment, here is my beautiful bald girl without eyebrows....


And just for fun, a picture of the beautiful eyebrows uni-brow that I miss so much.

Help a boy with a heart of gold

You've heard me talk about our dear friends the Koens, who moved back to their home country of South Africa after vowing many years ago after becoming U.S. citizens that they would never go back. Our family witnessed a transformation in their hearts as God called them to leave a prestigious job in America, a nice home, all the comforts of life, and many friends to go back;

this time not to the affluent white neighborhood where they previously lived, but across the bridge to the shanty towns, or slums of the country to minister God's hope and love to the dying and destitute, and break the bonds of racism which is so prevalent there.


I am copying this email from their oldest son Josh age 13, (above, can you guess which one he is?) hopeful that some of you would like to help him out:

Hi everyone,

It's Josh. I'm sure allot of you are wondering why I am emailing you, especially after I haven't emailed allot in you in a long time. This email is not about me at all. This email is about some of the nicest people I have ever met. These people live in a shack. They have no electricity, no plumbing, and not many clothes. These are the people I spend my day with. There are 3 people, but I will mention all the details later. I am asking for a miracle. I am needing $5,000 to build a house for these three people by Christmas. This house will have (3) bedrooms, (3) showers (each in the sepeate room), a living room, and a kitchen. The interior wall will made out of dry-wall. The exterior will be brick.Everything will be solar powered. This house will be the best thing that has ever happened to these people. These people tell me stories of when it rains how they would hold there walls together so there house doesn't fall down, and about how everything gets wet. I mean you guys live in a nice warm cozy house with air-con and heaters. These people have nothing, yet they are the nicest people I have ever met, and there's always a smile their face. Yet we worry about what kind of phone we have and what we wear and who we hang out with. I am asking YOU to give to build this house. Don't think just because you are kids you can't make a difference, you can change the lives of these people! I know $5,000 seems like so much money but we can do it. I have given all my $522.42 to help build this house and we need $4,488.58 more. We can only do this with your help. Each person who donates money will have their name on a plaque inside the house (but that shouldn't be the reason for you donation).I will be starting a blog about the people who will live inside the house and the progress of the donations. I will update the blog everyday as soon as money starts to come in. And I will post pictures about the progress of the house. And when the day comes, I will record them walking through the doors of their new house. And have each of them thank you for your donation, and send the video back to you guys. Please tell all your friends, parents, uncles, sisters, brothers, aunts, grandparents, great grand parents, etc. to donate! All you have to do is go to www.bridgetocross.org and click on "Ways To Give" and scroll down and click on "Online Donations" then label the amount of money you are giving. Under "Project Allocation" label "Josh's Christmas Home", then all your credit card details (you may want to ask your parents to help). And don't feel nervous about typing in you credit card details, we have a secure server so that nothing will go wrong. And this is my promise to you, "That any money you donate with ONLY go toward building the home for the three people and NOTHING else. And that I will start a blog updating it everyday, and I will tell you in full detail about the three people you are building the house for and everything else I labeled in the post". I can only do this with your support. Even if you don't donate, maybe you can go around collecting money from neighbors or do a car wash or something! The reason I'm asking all this is because I feel so strongly in my heart that these people should not be in the living condition they are. And by the way you can call my house, here in South Africa and pay the local fee in the US, I still have the same number (918-398-xxxx) Remember to please ask your parents to donate also! Together we will make a difference!!!!!

"Thanks every one for your support,

-Josh"

P.S if you have any questions please feel free to email or call. But please call before 3 P.M your time (I am 6hour ahead)!

I am off to donate right now!!! Please consider helping this wonderful young man with a heart of gold. Can you believe he gave all of his savings...$522. We LOVE these people, they are the real deal............... www.bridgetocross.org

Halloween Pumpkin Massacre - JibJab.com

Here is some real good Fall entertainment for you....

Potty training

Have I mentioned that Ava is potty training? I don't know that I would have thought to do it, but her teachers at The Little Lighthouse have been working with her and have reported she is picking it up like a pro. I decided to continue at home so I pulled the potty chair out of the attic over the weekend. She went every day for 3 days in a row. Woo hoo Ava!

I took this picture with my cell phone camera on Sunday after she SIGNED potty on our way out the door after church...

(Lest you think she has grown to be a giant, this is the extra-miniature potty in the 2-year old class at church.)

It's so fun to unravel the toilet paper off the roll isn't it?

Our adoption status

I have sat down to blog about five times about what is happening with our adoption, and every time either I end up in tears, or I change my mind at the last minute. This morning I hit post and then went back and deleted it. I forgot that the post still shows up in google reader, so some of you were still able to see it. :)

For those who didn't, I'll try again now.

We have put our adoption on hold while we are trying to figure out whether the children we are adopting are truly orphans or whether their families would be better served by staying intact through a family sponsorship program. It has come to our attention that many Ethiopian families are putting their children up for adoption because of poverty, and we have thought long and hard about this concept. I know that if I were a mother who was struggling to feed my children, I would hope that before someone paid $30,000-$35,000 to adopt my children, they would first offer to help me keep and feed and educate my children. And when a mother relinquishes her children because of poverty, and the children are adopted out to the United States, who then feeds and cares for the mother left behind?

These are some of the things we have been thinking about and praying about for the last few weeks. We are trying to work with our agency to get answers to some of the questions we have been asking for weeks, and we are asking our agency to allow us to proceed through another agency who will help us investigate the reasons the children were relinquished just recently from living, healthy parents. There are many not-so-pretty details to this story that I will leave out for now but that is the general summary.

We have fully committed to these children no matter what. We would still love to make them Urbans if indeed they are unwanted, abandoned, or have been abused in any way. But if we find out the mothers truly love them, we hope to offer our support in another way, even if that means being life-long sponsors and pen pals.

Please keep the children and their Ethiopian families in your prayers as we try to engage our agency's cooperation to try to find what is truly best for them. We do not have much control over some of these things but we believe the Lord is on their side and will help us find the best way to help them.