FAQ #1 about HIV adoption

Question: "Aren't you afraid you will get HIV if your child gets scratched, or bleeds?"

NO!

At one point, yes I was afraid this might be a risk.  But then the Lord allowed us to meet a wonderful online friend, and then later a doctor and his wife, who were also adopting children with HIV. And while on our adoption trip we had the opportunity to meet another doctor who deals exclusively with HIV+ children. All of these people and their knowledge and experience helped ease our fears and answer our questions about HIV and HIV adoption.

You are at risk of contracting HIV if you fit into one of two categories:

1. You live a high risk lifestyle (sexual promiscuity, and IV drug sharing)
2. You were born to, or breastfed by, an individual who engages in high risk activities.

Twenty five years ago or so, you would have been at risk if you received blood transfusions, but this is no longer considered a risk factor, as blood is now thoroughly screened for HIV and other diseases.

HIV is never transferred through casual contact such as hugging, kissing, sneezing, swimming, bathtubs, toilets, etc. and never from child to child or child to adult.

So NO I am not afraid of getting HIV and you shouldn't be either! We take care of cuts and scrapes and bleeding exactly the same way we care for all of our children. We clean up the blood and dispose of it as soon as possible. We keep cuts covered. Our rule is that if someone bleeds, Mom is called to clean it up.  No matter who it is. Just normal stuff.

Orphan Sunday- HIV adoption

November is National Adoption Awareness Month, and today is Orphan Sunday. It's been an emotional day for me, as I have remembered the orphans we met and left behind. We are so happy to have Joseph and Ava and Zoya with us, but this post is dedicated to the ones who are still waiting for a family to call their own.

One thing they don't tell you when you adopt from an orphanage, is how hard it is when you have to leave the others behind. They tell you about fundraising, and attachment and bonding, and cultural blending, and how to prepare a dossier, but they don't tell you how sad and guilty you will feel, and how the faces you remember will keep you awake at night.

When we met Joseph, and later Zoya, we had the opportunity to meet and interact with the most wonderful group of little orphan boys! I still think about these boys all the time. Zoya and I look at their photos and she waves at them and kisses the computer screen. These little boys would make wonderful sons!

I hugged and held these boys. I sang songs to them. I let them take pictures with my camera. I pushed them on the merry-go-round. We played playdough and did puzzles together. And I know there is a family, or families, who are missing out because they don't have these little boys in their lives.

They are all about five years old. They are cute, charming, sweet, and funny! Every one of them! And they are all available for adoption!

They are best friends. Practically brothers.

There is one more thing that they all have in common. It is the one thing that has caused them to remain orphans for so long. Three little letters that have kept them from getting families.

They all have HIV.

Meet Dillon......

Nick.....

Owen.....

Cole.....

Who will pick me, they ask? When will I have a Mommy to tuck me in and a Daddy to wrestle with me?

Do they know that the reason adoptive parents come for their friends and not for them? Do they know that their HIV scares many people away?

Well I am here to tell you that HIV adoption is really not as scary as it seems. It is really quite do-able and a great blessing. There are medications now that can help these kids live long and healthy (and normal) lives, and HIV+ individuals can even now safely marry and have children with certain precautions being taken. It is only spread through very high risk activities, and never from child to child or child to adult.

......Yet they are still waiting.

How do I know for sure that HIV adoption is really a blessing and not a big deal? Because our family has done it!! And we would have missed out on the most wonderful blessing, had we been too afraid to say yes!!

Why am I telling you this? For three reasons.

1. First we are not ashamed and we do not like the feeling of keeping a "secret". Our HIV+ child, nor any other HIV+ child ever did anything to wrong to contract it, thus there really isn't a need to be ashamed.

2. We want to give you an opportunity to ask questions. I know you have them! I would rather you ask than just wonder. Please ask and I will answer as honestly as I can.

3. There are many, many HIV+ children waiting to be adopted. They DESERVE A CHANCE. Unless we speak out and tell the truth about HIV and HIV adoption, the ignorance and stigma will continue. We speak out on behalf of kids like Dillon, Owen, Nick and Cole. 

For more information about HIV adoption, see Positively Orphaned.

To see a list of HIV+ children waiting for adoption, see Reece's Rainbow.

Again, please ask questions! I will be blogging more about HIV and HIV adoption soon. Hopefully I can answer some of your questions.

Beauty

In October of 2006, Miss World, Tatyana Kukharzhova, visited a certain orphanage in Ukraine. She held a certain baby girl while she was there. They had their picture taken together. Do you recognize that sad baby girl with the beautiful blue eyes?

"When we lose one blessing, another is often most unexpectedly given in its place."
-C.S. Lewis

Joseph's Kitchen Job

Everybody in the family, including the ones with Down Syndrome, are required to help with kitchen clean-up. Can you see why Joseph loves his new job? This boy cracks me up!

Mother of the Year

When we took Oliver in to the vet on Monday, I had had a pretty bad feeling all day, mostly because of all the comments some of you experienced dog people had left. Worst case scenario I was expecting an expensive and drawn out process to get rid of Oliver's condition. Never in my worst nightmare did I think we would be taking the dog in to its death that day. If I had known that I certainly wouldn't have taken all my kids to the vet with me!!!

The vet was trying to talk to me in code, so the kids wouldn't understand the severity of the dog's condition. She kept emphasizing how bad the problem was, kept beating around the bush, saying there was no treatment that could cure him, etc, but never would actually come out and say the word 'euthanize'. Finally I said, "So what you're saying is that the most merciful thing we can do for Oliver is to put him to sleep?"

At this all the children started crying, and then I started crying. Even Zoya, who I'm sure didn't understand a word of what was happening, burst into tears at the sight of the rest of us crying. Even the vet, I think, might have shed a little tear. (I wonder what the people in the waiting room were thinking!) It was a pitiful sight indeed. Suddenly the vet started winking at me, and said, "OR.....I have another idea"....(still winking)......."Why don't you let me call a Lab Rescue Foundation to see if we can re-home him....Surely we can find a dog lover who would take Oliver and do whatever it takes to make him healthy again."

The kids started nodding their heads, through their tears. YES, that is what they wanted to do. We all said our tearful goodbye's to him, and I signed the paper to send him to his "New Home".

That seemed like a grand plan until later that evening when everybody was worried sick about what kind of home Oliver would go to. What if he goes to someone who won't take care of him again? They were SO angry at the first owner who robbed Oliver of a good and happy life. They fantasized all kinds of ways to pay back that owner for what he/she had done to poor Little Ollie.

THEN Liesel found the receipt from the vet. What is euthanasia? she asked. And why did they charge us for a burial? Oh boy. So I gathered everyone together and I told them the truth about Oliver and about how the poor vet wanted to be merciful to us by letting us think he didn't have to die. At the end of the day they were glad I told them, and we could all sleep peacefully that night knowing Oliver didn't ever have to suffer again.

That vet, Dr. Franz, bless her heart, had great compassion on us that afternoon. She vowed to personally find us another perfect canine match. Stay tuned!

Meanwhile, if bringing home a mangy, dying dog to be the family pet didn't win me Mother of the Year Award, maybe this next one will:

My son has been complaining of headaches frequently when he is asked to read or do schoolwork. I KNEW it couldn't be vision problems, because he has always tested better than perfect on his vision screenings, 20/15 to be exact. And it couldn't be migraines because it is only 'triggered' by schoolwork. And he couldn't be far-sighted because that is just for old people. So the only logical explanation is that he is trying to get out of school work, right? That is what I've been telling him for three months anyway. Just to be absolutely sure, I took him to the eye doctor. Ooops! He is far-sighted after all.

Doesn't he look handsome in his new glasses? Today I let him skip school altogether. I suppose that was my way of saying I'm sorry.

Oliver-A short and sad chapter in the lives of the Urbans

So we decided to call him Oliver. That was the first name that came to mind when I saw him, and exactly five of you thought he was a perfect Oliver too. An older disabled gentleman had rescued him from a very bad situation and was looking for a good family for him and that is how he ended up here. 

When we took him to the vet today she said it was definitely not a severe flea rash as the gentleman had told us but demodectic mange, a noncontagious immune condition affecting the skin condition caused by mites. When it is found early it is treatable but in Oliver's case it was systemic and so severe that it is very painful and completely untreatable. She said we could give him steroids to alleviate his pain but then his immunity would be weakened and the condition would worsen. She said he has likely lived in pain for a very long time. When she examined his teeth she said it appeared that he had spent a lot of hours chewing on the chain he was tied to. :( Poor sweet boy!

We thought that with enough love and TLC we could save Oliver and nurture him back to health but sadly it was too late. Oliver spent the weekend having fun at the Urban farm and is running around chasing balls with Bliss in Doggy Heaven this evening.

There were sure some tears shed around here today.  It's surely not the blog post I intended to write today! Poor Sweet Oliver. At least he was loved, even if for just a weekend and a day.