Monday night tea party

John took the boys on Monday night to my uncle's house to watch Monday night football, and left us girls at home. We were all feeling a bit lonely, so I suggested we have our own little tea party "or something", then I went to put Ava down for the night.

I came out of the kitchen to see this:
I freaked out a little and raised my voice, "What are you doing???!!!"
"Mom, I'm making a tea party for us. It's a party so we have to wear our fancy dresses. You need to wear one too."


She was a wonderful little hostess, pouring milk in every cup, "because tea is NASTY".......
.......then mixing chocolate syrup in each one. I asked why she made four cups instead of three, and she resonded, "I'm saving this one for Ava for when she grows up."


I was a little sad that Liesel felt that she was too big to put on a fancy dress, and chose to wear her pajamas instead. And she actually had hot tea in her tea cup. After all, it was a tea party.

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew

This is the title of one of my favorite books about adoption. It is written by an adoptee who tells the painfully honest truth about the rejection and abandonment she felt growing up, even though she had a wonderful adoptive family. These twenty "things" really helped me to better understand my own sister who was adopted. The most surprising "thing" to me on this list was "Birthdays may be difficult for me." I had never thought of the fact that while most of us see birthdays as a day to celebrate life, to an adopted child a birthday can represent the day of his or her greatest rejection. I think knowing these truths (even though they may not be true for all adopted children) can help parents better understand and help their adopted children work through their grief and loss.

In honor of National Adoption Month, I wanted to share these twenty things. I hope it will be a help to someone:

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew:

1. "I suffered a profound loss before I was adopted. You are not responsible."

2. "I need to be taught that I have special needs arising from adoption loss, of which I need not be ashamed."

3. "If I don't grieve my loss, my ability to receive love from you and others will be hindered."

4. "My unresolved grief may surface in anger towards you."

5. "I need your help in grieving my loss. Teach me how to get in touch with my feelings about my adoption and then validate them."

6. "Just because I don't talk about my birth family doesn't mean I don't think about them."

7. "I want you to take the initiative in opening conversations about my birth family."

8. "I need to know the truth about my conception, birth, and family history, no matter how painful the details may be."

9. "I am afraid I was 'given away' by my birth mother because I was a bad baby. I need you to help me dump my toxic shame."

10. "I am afraid you will abandon me."

11. "I may appear more 'whole' than I actually am. I need your help to uncover the parts of myself that I keep hidden so I integrate all the elements of my identity.

12. "I need to gain a sense of personal power."

13. "Please don't say I look or act just like you. I need you to acknowledge and celebrate our differences."

14. "Let me be my own person...But don't let me cut myself off from you."

15. "Please respect my privacy regarding adoption. Don't tell other people without my consent."

16. "Birthdays may be difficult for me."

17. "Not knowing my full medical history can be distressing at times."

18. "I am afraid I will be too much for you to handle."

19. "When I act out my fears in obnoxious ways, please hang in there with me, and respond wisely."

20. "Even if I decide to search out my birth family, I will always want you to be my parents."

To learn more about this book, click here.

IEP update

Well I did finally get that IEP meeting and it wasn't as scary as I anticipated. Thanks to all who gave input and especially to Kate who walked me through the process. Ava was tested and estimated to be at about a 9-10 month level in the areas of language, gross and fine motor skills. I honestly think she is a little more advanced than that based on what I see at home but I am pleased because she qualifies for all three services at school, 30 minutes a week each for OT and PT, and 60 minutes a week for speech.

If you don't know what an IEP is, it stands for "individualized education plan". Basically, when a student has learning challenges and can't meet the goals of typical kids their age, they are given their own customized education plan based on the educational goals of the parents, teachers, and therapists who will be working with that child. The IEP meeting is where all of the above meet to come to an agreement on the goals for the year and the means of meeting those goals.

Because I am too lazy to get up and look for the goals I will try to summarize them based on what I remember:

Gross motor- 4 point crawling, sit to stand, weight shifting on feet (or "cruising")
Fine motor- scribbling with a crayon, turning pages of a book, releasing objects into container
Speech- recognizing pictures in books, verbal approximations and picture exchanges

I am excited to see the progress she will make once her school therapies are started.

On a side note, I was really excited about something that happened over the weekend: On Saturday, our family was invited to a birthday party, and this was Ava's first birthday party (Thanks Fullinghams). We took Ava down the inflatable slide several times, which she wasn't too sure about at first but eventually she seemed to really like it.

That night as I was getting her ready for bed I started talking to her about our day, like I always do. When I said, "Daddy took you down the slide", she got SO excited and started squealing! It was obvious she understood what I was saying and remembered doing this. So I took a baby doll and propped up some pillows to make a little slide, and we played push-the-baby-down-the-slide game. She did this over and over again, and squealed and laughed every time. It was so neat to see her little brain at work, recognizing the words I was speaking to her, and then imitating the fun with her doll. I sure do love that little girl!

M&M's....the ultimate motivator

Ava is eating finger foods now! Cheerios, bits of toast, crackers....Of course if it wasn't for the M&M's, I'm not sure she ever would have started. I don't have this on video, but when she was at occupational therapy last time, she put two signs together. Guess what two words she signed? "MORE CANDY", of course.

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

the original awareness warrior asked:

Do you use any program etc? I use Abeckka Academy, and I have time for nothing (including any time with other kids whatsoever). With all my appointments I am ALWAYS behind, and in such a rush that I learn next to nothing. I can't go to public or private school currently, and am in the 7th grade for the second time due to this all. I really wonder how and if I can do this. I mean, I have to, but at what cost? I already have to cut some corners, skip unnecessary work, but it's more than that as well...I'm just not getting a quality education and there seems to be no way that I can. Do you have any advice on this? What would you do?

Alex, let me start by saying how much I enjoyed visiting your blog. You are obviously a very intelligent, mature and talented young lady.

I wish I had a brilliant answer for you. We have never used Abeka but I have heard from people who use it that it is very thorough and rigid (which sounds grueling and exhausting to me!). On the other hand I know there are a lot of people who love it too! When I teach my kids I try to keep my end goal in mind. My goal is never to finish a worksheet, but to teach a concept. Sometimes we skip pages entirely if the kids have a good attitude and can demonstrate they've grasped the concept behind it. There is no reason (in my opinion) to do pages and pages of math facts that have already been mastered, or copy spelling words over and over again that are already known. I'd rather my kids write one sentence very carefully and beautifully than 100 sentences quick and sloppy. There are so many homeschooling options out there, I wouldn't feel bound to one program that's not working for you, if you have another choice. One of my favorite homeschool links is homeschoolreviews.com. You'll find reviews of almost every curriculum out there. I personally try to follow the philosophy of Charlotte Mason. If you are interested you can read more about it here.

I hope you will keep me updated on the outcome of this. I am certainly anxious to keep up with your progress, both academically and healthwise. I am honored that you took the time to visit and comment.

Homeschooling

Lisa and Lucie asked about homeschooling. What is our story and why do we do it?

Well I wish I could make this short and sweet, but I feel a long post coming on. (You've been warned).

I started out homeschooling Simeon because he was probably the most hyperactive 5 year old I had ever known. :) I knew he would be labeled ADHD in kindergarten and we'd be pressured to put him on Ritalin. I wanted to give him a year to "settle down" and mature before sending him. Maybe too, I just wasn't quite ready to give him up. :)

Homeschooling ended up being a wonderful time of bonding between the two of us. Knowing he needed more hands-on activities, I was able to tailor his education to fit his needs. For some reason, kindergarten homeschooling turned into first grade, then second. He never really "settled down". He is still a very active and sometimes stubborn 10 year old boy.

We did try public school last year for the first time, and I was glad for it for many reasons, including:

1. I  got a much needed break.

2. I learned of a few academic areas (mainly grammar) where my kids were lacking, and other areas where they were really doing well.

3. It gave me some time to bond with Hope before adopting Ava, and gave me time to bond with Ava after adopting Ava.

4. My kids made some new friends, and got over their fears of the dreaded word, "school".

5. My kids experienced deadlines, consequences, and positive peer pressure to perform in a way that I couldn't reproduce at home.

What I didn't like about my kids in school, I can pretty much sum up in one word. Time. 8 hours a day is an awful long time for kids to be away from home (in my opinion). It seemed like we were always rushing to get them off to school, rushing to get homework done before activities, rushing to get chores and devotions done before bed. And so when they all 3 asked to be homeschooled again this year, I agreed. 

Homeschooling certainly has its ups and downs, as does every other school option in my opinion. Some children are much easier to homeschool than others. One child in particular, which I named previously, while sweet and tenderhearted, can be very stubborn and manipulative at times. I am constantly having to be on my toes to make sure he is not taking advantage of my easy going nature to get out of doing work. I would certainly love to have some time to myself every now and then. My house is messier and louder, and I think the food bill is higher than when the kids were in school. I have to go out of my way to create play dates for what they call "socialization".

Then again, we have the time to focus on what is really important to us. Mainly, incorporating God into everything we study. We talk a lot about character traits of certain historical figures, God's amazing design in science, God's love for us through art and poetry, God's order through math. We talk a lot about honoring our parents, loving our siblings and neighbors. We have more time to learn Bible verses, make crafts, help around the house, learn life skills like cooking and cleaning. And of course, since we are finished around noon or so, there is so much more time for running and playing. I always wonder what Ava's bus drivers are thinking when they come pick her up at 12:30 and my kids are outside fishing, or riding their bikes.

If I could create the perfect school experience, it would be a public, free, half day or 2 day a week program. The kids would do all their book work at home, then on their "school" days, they would have clubs....Math club, science club, art club, chess club, whatever the kids enjoy and want to learn. They would learn some new skills, make some friends, experience a little friendly competition. That would be the perfect school, in my opinion. But nobody has asked me. :)

For us, schooling is something that may change from year to year depending on our kids' needs, our finances, and being obedient to what we feel the Lord is calling us to do, even for Ava. So far private school has not been an option for us, but if it was to be in the future I would be open to that too. In other words, homeschooling is not necessarily a long term commitment. I do hope one day I'll be able to go to the grocery store in the middle of a weekday without any children in my cart. :) But for now I am enjoying the special times we have together, challenges and all.

I've been tagged by, I think 3 people, to name 7 (I think?) random facts about myself. Boy, am I lazy tonight or what?

So here goes....
1. My parents named me after reading a book by Charles Swindoll, who mentioned his daughter, Charissa. They pronounced it "Chereesa", as in rhyming with Teresa. Later, like when I was 12 or so, they heard him speak about his daughter Charissa, only to find out that my name should have been pronounced "Karissa".

2. I have never seen Grey's Anatomy, the X Files, Desperate Housewives, or Seinfeld, and I have only seen one episode of American Idol, and that was only because I wanted to see what all the hype was about.

3. I was in the historic 1976 earthquake in Guatemala when my parents were missionaries. One of my first memories is my mom carrying me, running out of the house, mirrors and pictures falling off walls, and sheetrock crumbling around us.

4. I will eat just about anything but I hate Cheezit crackers and macaroni and cheese.

5. My feet are always cold.

6. I love the Goodwill.

7. I hope we'll adopt more children someday.

I tag my two newest blogging friends, Melissa M. and Melissa G.