Day 6...or 7? I am losing track.

A cool front has come in, so all the kids are back in their long sleeves and tights. And the hats. Always the hats. How do you like the pink tights? I'm so glad to have all of my nephew Sebastian's hand-me-downs, back home, hanging in Joseph's future closet. I think they are going to be the perfect size too!

John has gotten the fun job of playing with (and chasing!) Joseph, while I have the job of sitting on the bench, resting my feet---and taking photos.

While I sit and take photos, I am often an orphan-magnet. Yesterday I brought play-dough and you wouldn't believe what a crowd it drew! 

 I thoroughly, thoroughly enjoyed my time with these kids. The little girl in the pink hat has been coming over to say hi occasionally during our visits with Joseph. Yesterday she was so happy to see me, and crawled up on my lap and talked to me. Of course I have no idea what she was saying but I enjoyed every second! She did not want to be put down. Later she went to John but within a micro-second she realized she was afraid of him, and reached back out to me. We try to be sensitive, knowing that some of these kids do not have families coming for them. We try to save our affection for Joseph for when the other children are not around watching.

Speaking of which: Here is a fun game. Blowing raspberries on the neck. If you click on the above picture, you can see the sheer joy on this boy's face. He does not need words to tell his future daddy that he would like for him to do that again. Watch how he points to his neck as if to say, "Please do that again Daddy".

This is Joseph's Nanny. The kids are divided into groups of 7 or 8. There is one nanny for each group, of "groupa" sometimes two. This nanny means business and demands order and control, that is very clear. At the same time she obviously loves each of the kids very dearly. She would make a perfect grandma! John and I have talked about what kind of a job she has, maintaining control of so many special needs children all at once. On a couple of occasions she has looked very frazzled as she is trying to keep them all in a line on their way back to the building, for lunch, when everyone clearly preferred to stay outside and play! And then other times she is patting them on the backs, smiling at and praising them. We are so grateful to this woman for all she has done for Joseph and the other children here.

Yesterday she brought a puzzle over to show us how well Joseph can do it. We were amazed at how he seemed to understand each word she said, probably words like, "turn it around", and "move it up", etc. Without any help except for her verbal instructions, and an occasional point, he was able to put together this 6 piece wooden puzzle with his own little hands.

 By the way, have I mentioned how chubby and sweet his hands are?

Joseph Q&A

Has Joseph started losing baby teeth already or does he have a big gap between his teeth?

Neither. He is missing his top tooth, but only because-according to the orphanage doctor- he fell while running. I told you he was very active and very clumsy. Not the best combination for the front teeth.

Why does Joseph has so many scrapes and scabs and bruises?

He is very active and very clumsy. He climbs a lot and he falls down a lot! Yesterday we witnessed him trying to walk backwards down the stairs of the playground equipment. Before we could run over and catch him he had already tumbled down, backwards, onto his back in the dirt. Most kids would have cried but he laughed and laughed.....and laughed....

Is Joseph really potty trained?
I don't know. They told us he is schedule trained, but sometimes they bring him to us in a diaper and sometimes in underwear. We haven't been able to figure it out. I'm assuming they put the kids in diapers for their outside playtime to prevent accidents since the bathroom is too far away. We should have a chance before we leave to go over his schedule with the caretakers but for now we are only allowed to play with him outside and we can't see him in his daily environment of eating, sleeping, pottying, etc.


Does Joseph talk?
We don't really know. He does talk some kind of gibberish but we don't know if he is speaking Russian or just making sounds like Ava does. :) Regardless he makes his wishes very clear through facial expressions, body language and pointing.

Does Joseph recognize you and does he understand you are there to adopt him?
Yes he recognizes us, and he smiles really big, and sometimes runs to us when he first sees us. I really don't think he understands we are here to adopt him, I think he just thinks we have been designated as his very own personal playmates. :)


Is Joseph wearing his whitey tighties in some of the photos?

It sure looks like it to me! But I assume what is whitey tighties to us, is shorts to them?

And speaking of whitey tighties......
For your viewing pleasure...
Yesterday John offered to walk up to the orphanage to get Joseph while I waited outside on the bench by the playground. I asked him to please video tape him because I love to see his expression when he first realizes we are there to play with him again. Here is that video....

Rambling

For the record, we haven't seen a single roach in this apartment. Maybe the Embergs unknowingly took them all with them to region, in their suitcases? ha ha. John is working while he is here, so the high speed internet has really been a blessing.

We are still waiting on news about how our adoption is progressing. From what we are understanding, some documents are on someone's desk waiting for a signature from the Office of Children's Services. After that signature is obtained, we will request a court date. Depending on how far out the court date is, we may come home and wait. As much as I do not want to leave Joseph here, there is really no sense paying for an apartment for 3 weeks, and letting someone else care for our other kids, while we sit around and wait for court. There is another potential twist to our adoption story which may play into our plans, which I will disclose soon, but we must first wait for this document to be signed.

I counted 9 blisters on one foot, and 7 on the other, yesterday. I know you are not supposed to pop blisters but that is the only way to get a little bit of relief, so that is exactly what I've been doing. I asked my sister, who has the same genetic blister problems, to describe to my husband how it feels and she said, imagine peeling several layers of skin off your feet and then walking for several miles on your raw flesh. Yes, that is a little bit how it feels. Needless to say this has made our trips to the orphanage very difficult. Poor John, who is a very fast walker, has to wait for me to hobble along everywhere we go. I do feel VERY silly when I see all the ladies in high heels whizzing right pass me. But they were not born with genetic feet problems, that is what I tell myself.

We learned that a taxi ride is not too terribly expensive, and so I think until my feet can heal up we will pay for a taxi to and from the orphanage rather than walking to the subway and back. If I could just have two days off my feet I think it would make a world of difference but then that would mean not getting to see Joseph. No I did not have this problem with Ava's adoption because we did not take a trip to Rome right before, and because her orphanage was only a block from our hotel. But I do get it occasionally, particularly in the heat where a lot of walking is involved. And no, tennis shoes and socks do NOT help, in fact they seem to make it worse.

We really enjoy our daily visits with Joseph and have had a chance to interact with some of the other kids here. I particularly enjoyed the HIV group yesterday. I made a silly face and took a picture of myself, and then they all made individual silly faces which I took photos, then we all laughed and laughed as we looked at each one on my camera viewer. They were mesmerized while I sang Jesus Loves Me, and I watched several of them sitting on the picnic table inch closer and closer to me, and pretty soon I had three of them on my lap! You can see they each crave so much attention. One of them asked to be picked up, and then when John picked him up he got scolded by the nanny. I suppose they don't want to 'spoil' the kids, I'm not sure. But that really broke my heart. I know there are many really great kids who will be overlooked for adoption just because they have HIV, even though it would be nearly impossible for him/her to transfer it to adoptive parents and siblings. Isn't that sad, that 3 little letters would prevent these children from being adopted? Many people have successfully adopted children with HIV and these children thrive and can live fulfilling and full lives just with the proper medical care.

Contrary to what some believe, many children residing in orphanages are not adoptable at all. Here in this country the biological families are allowed and encouraged to visit their children. Just yesterday we saw what appeared to be a biological mother and father playing with their child, and another what appeared to be a grandmother visiting her little grandson. Both children looked very healthy with no apparent abnormalities. In order for a child to be classified as adoptable, a certain period of time must pass without a visit from relatives. I believe the time period is 12-14 months. In other words, if a child gets more than one visit per year by a relative they are not made available for adoption. An orphanage is not an ideal place to grow up, but I am happy to know that there is an effort being made to keep families intact. I do think it is very important for this to be encouraged and that international adoption is only made available as a last resort for children with no other hope. One of our facilitators has told us that there is no hope at all for the kids with special needs here. They are not adopted by locals, and there is no future for them here. Most of them will end up in institutions or on the streets. I know they can't all be saved, but it is like the story of the man throwing the starfish back into the ocean. We can each do something to help, I think.

Most of the children we have seen in the orphanage have obvious health problems. Our facilitator has told us, both on this trip and last, that most people here want perfectly healthy children, and that when a child is born with something 'wrong', it is very common for them to be abandoned. As you look around the children here, you can sometimes tell what was 'wrong' with them that made them unacceptable to their families and their society. Many children with Down syndrome, cerebral palsy, and even cleft palates and clubbed hands and feet.....and as I mentioned before many children with HIV. Children who are wonderfully sweet and engaging, who would be wonderful sons and daughters, had someone just given them the chance. It would be nice, in my opinion, if there very little need for adoption, because everybody in every culture, valued children of every type and ability. But our own country is no different....Did you know that in our country about 90% of children diagnosed with Down Syndrome and other disabilities in utero....are aborted? Same problem, but we just deal with it in a different way. ughhhh. Makes me sad. I can see that the caretakers and the facilitators here feel the same way I do about the children with special needs...they do have value.

The saddest little face of all, which I have seen in many of the children here, is the face of fetal alchohol syndrome or FAS. Children who would have been perfectly healthy had it not been for the mothers who drank too much all through their pregnancy. I always wonder how bad circumstances must be for a mother who feels that the only way she can cope, even through her pregnancy, is through alcohol. How I wish I could solve the problems in the world, particularly the ones that affect children, but only Jesus knows and can we can each only do our little part as He leads us, within our little sphere of influence.

Sorry for all the rambling. I have run out of books to read, and I did not pack and DVDs. We thought we could watch Netflix and Hulu but neither work out of the country. And John is working. And all my facebook friends are sleeping. So I am rambling on a blog about my thoughts this past week or so. If you made it this far, thanks for reading.....

Working now on a video of Joseph and his group at music time. Adorable!

Old friends and new friends

The down-side of this region is how looooonnnnnnggg adoptions take here.

But the up-side is how many passers-by.......is that a word?........we get to meet while we are here.

The most logical meeting place is TGI Friday's- 1. Because it's in a central location that all of us Americans can recognize, 2. Because the menu is in English, and 3. Because there is free high speed internet.

We also have met people at the Ukrainian restaurant right across the street from TGIF. It is a buffet style, and no need to read the menu, you just point to what you want and they serve it to you on your tray as you pass by.

So who have we met? Let's see. I already mentioned meeting the Embergs (who we got to spend quite a bit of time with and are making plans to move to the same city together so we can be neighbors- isn't that what we agreed on Eric and Tammy?)....

Also, we met the Sanchez', the Thibaults, the Lorraines, the McDonalds, and Joanne (can't remember her last name), who was here with her friend on a mission trip.

We have met friends of the Dickinsons, the Redmans, who happen to be from our home state and are here to adopt a 10 year old boy. That was fun, talking about the culture shock of, "We ain't in Oklahoma anymore!"

Last night me met these two families, the Reeds and the Doves. I have been following their blogs for over two years, so it was perfectly natural to give them each a big long hug as if they were old friends who had been away for too long! We really enjoyed meeting a few of their kids who are along for the adventure. They are just as special in real life as I imagined they would be.

So if anyone is coming through, look us up! But if you don't mind, can we eat somewhere other than TGIF? :)

You must be wondering why Joseph is wearing a hat in every photo I post. In the summer, (well actually in the winter too) the rule is that hats must be on the children at all times. This seems to be a very strict rule not just in the orphanage but all over Ukraine. Very few children are seen in the city, but when you do see them they will be wearing a hat every single time. I asked our facilitator about this and she said it is to prevent sunstroke. I do not know at what age the kids no longer have to wear hats, but at some point in childhood I guess they are cleared to remove the hats because the teens and adults certainly do not wear them.

Here's a fun game: Toss the hat. Just make sure you are in the shade and that no nannies are watching. I think this boy is ready for Special Olympics basketball. What do you think?

We notice a big difference in Joseph's activity level between his morning and afternoon visits. He actually sat in the swing for 20 minutes yesterday afternoon and in fact looked like he was going to doze off a couple of times. After playing for a little bit he wanted John to hold him. Watch how he asks to be picked up. Oh, my heart!! I have a feeling this boy sleeps well at night.

Once again, it was a great visit and we trying to get through the process to get this sweet boy home to his new brothers and sisters. 

P.S. Another rule of the orphanage is no thumb sucking. We got scolded for letting him suck his thumb yesterday. 

Shhh..don't tell but I think I might ditch that rule once we can make our own rules.

Joseph's world

We asked for a tour of the orphanage yesterday, to see Joseph's world. 

We have been told by our facilitator that this is one of the nicest orphanages in Ukraine. It is very clean, painted brightly, and the children really do seem to be very well cared for. I wonder if being in the city has something to do with the amount of funding, or what. It is a huge orphanage but eerily quiet. We walked through one room which was lined with cribs. I thought surely the cribs were empty with how quiet it was in there, but there were many content babies lying on their backs looking up at the ceiling. I would love to understand how this is possible. We have also noticed that Joseph is very obedient. He does exactly as he is told (when he understands of course...we will have our work cut out for us with the language barrier). The staff seem to expect order and obedience, but they really appear to love the kids very much. We are so blessed, and so grateful to these nannies who have loved him, cared for him, and taught him so many things.

Here is the ramp up to the second story. At the top of the ramp, down the hall is where Joseph lives.

Here he is pointing to his bed....

Standing in front of his locker....

And sitting at his table in the dining/play area. He did exactly as his nannies asked him to do, so I could take his photo. How adorable!

While we were playing outside yesterday he motioned for us to "come" and we followed him all the way over to this parked car. Would you believe he climbed right up into the driver's lap? I guess he's ready to go somewhere! I wonder if he's ever actually ridden in a vehicle or been outside of this orphanage....

Legal Fences

Right now we are about a 45 minute walk and a 15 minute subway ride, one way, to the orphanage (that's a 2 hour commute per visit with Joseph). We are allowed two visits a day, at 9:30am and 4:30pm, but because of my sore feet and the long commute we have only been visiting once a day.

The adoption protocol is very strict and complicated here, even much more so in this region than Ava's region. After a certain number of visits you can decided whether you want to proceed with the adoption. which of course requires more official paperwork and signatures, the story of our lives these days. That is what we did yesterday.

Next we have to submit our papers to court and wait for a court date. It is possible we could have to wait a week or two just to get a court date, and then another week or two to have the court date. After court, we will have a mandatory 10 day wait period (a period which allows any birth relatives to have a last chance to come claim the child). In this region the 10 day wait is mandatory and there have been few, if any, waived as Ava's was. After the 10 day wait, we can begin to apply for passport and visa, which will likely take another 10 days. Very lengthy and very strict.

We plan to return home at least once somewhere in the process, and possibly John's niece Heather will return with me for the second or third trip, after the 10 day wait is over. Some families adopting from this region have actually had to make three trips, that is how long it can take.

As most of you know, Joseph once had a committed adoptive family, who got all the way up to about this point in the adoption process, maybe further, when a judge noticed a mistake in the birth relinquishment papers. A mistake that could only be fixed by Joseph's birth parents. Parents who had left the country three years ago. The judge threw the whole case out, deeming the child "unadoptable".

It is my opinion that no child should ever be called unadoptable, unless that child already has a family. Which Joseph does not.

We are praying and believing we will have a more experienced judge this time, who will be understanding about Joseph's unusual circumstances. Every time I kiss him and tell him his mama loves him and is working hard to get him out of here, I remember that I am not the first mother who loved this boy very deeply......

Here is Jolie, Joseph's would-have-been adoptive mama who came her to adopt him last October. And then because of these legal hurdles, she had to return home without him. It breaks my heart every time I think of it.  She was blessed with two other boys when she could not choose Joseph but I know that does not take away the loss, for either of them.

I hear from Jolie often and she is cheering us on and praying for Joseph. I know she wants nothing more than to see her boy in a family who loves him. Please join the Harris family and ours, in praying that Joseph will be able to break through these legal gates and be free from being an orphan, once and for all.

Go Joseph! Go, son!