What an ingenious idea! I suppose now I will finally have coins in my wallet, for gum ball machines and such. I am so humbled.
LUV TOOTH FERYY WEL YOU GIV MY SUM MUNY
FOUR MY MOM
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Letters to the Tooth Fairy
Hope has been writing letters to the tooth fairy and putting them under her pillow at night. In each letter she asks for money. Yesterday she finally told me that she is collecting the money for ME. "Because you never have any money in your wallet, Mom", she said.
What an ingenious idea! I suppose now I will finally have coins in my wallet, for gum ball machines and such. I am so humbled.
What an ingenious idea! I suppose now I will finally have coins in my wallet, for gum ball machines and such. I am so humbled.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
HIV questions continued...
I have a question...and I don't think this has been answered yet. In the United States, I'm guessing, kids born with HIV are treated ASAP, and as you said, can go on and live a normal life with pretty much normal life expectancy (afterall it may never turn into AIDS). My question is though, in Eastern Europe, Russia or even Africa. Are these kids medically treated as soon as possible? Are they even treated? If so, how WELL are they being medically treated? If they do start treatment later on in life, do they have a greated risk of their HIV turning into AIDS? Have you found many differences in the medical treatement your child is receiving here vs. in his/her home country? These are questions I've always wondered!
Sarah
- I don't have any solid answers on this. But I'm pretty sure this goes for any orphanage overseas: Yes, the children ARE treated. However the resources we have here are just not available in most other countries. Our doctor said in his 20+ years of treating HIV patients he had never seen such good blood results in a child adopted from overseas. He was quite shocked actually. (The virus was low to the point of being undetectable). He said this indicated excellent care on the part of the orphanage, which makes us so grateful. The doctor made a couple of minor changes to the medications and the dosages but otherwise he was really happy with what the orphanage had already been doing. I do believe kids are generally treated shortly after being diagnosed. Our child had been receiving treatment since, I believe 2 weeks of age.
How do you deal with disclosure? Isn't it best to keep your child's HIV status confidential?
This is by far THE hardest part about HIV adoption! Who do you trust with this information, if anybody?
-On the one hand it's nobody's business, and on the other hand you KNOW people would rather know so they can be cautious.
-On one hand, it is your child's personal story you should protect. On the other hand there are many other HIV+ children needing families, and you MUST advocate for them.
-On one hand, friends might ostracize your family if they knew. On the other hand, who needs those kinds of friends anyway?
-On one hand, you can never 'untell' your secret once it is out there. On the other hand isn't the secretiveness and shame what perpetuates the stigma in the first place?
We have found that other HIV adoptive families either remain totally 100% secretive about the HIV, not even telling family or close friends, or they choose to openly educate people about HIV and HIV adoption. We have also found that there can't really be a middle of the road here. It is very difficult to just tell a few close family members and friends, and then trust that people won't be telling other people or sending anonymous letters to church or school, or questioning you at family reunions whether you have told so-and-so or not. We tried the middle of the road approach and feel much more peace with being more open about it. It is a very personal decision whether to be open about HIV or not. I don't think there is really a wrong way to handle it, as long as the child is treated with dignity and respect. After all HIV in children is really NOTHING to be ashamed of.
You should also know that according to the health department we are not required by law to tell ANYBODY, even doctors and dentists (although it is encouraged for obvious reasons). Technically all hospitals, clinics, schools, day cares, etc. should be using universal precautions anyway, thus the reason why it is not mandatory to disclose. The only time you must disclose by law is when you are putting another person at risk knowingly. A little surprising, huh? We have chosen to disclose to church and school, mostly because we didn't want them finding out through someone else and then freaking out on us.
So far friends and family members have exceeded our expectations and have been surprisingly and graciously, KIND, loving and accepting of our family, all of us! Thank you Jesus for a big prayer answered as we took a giant step of faith. Thank you friends and family!
As I'm sure you've noticed I am not ready to go all out and name the HIV+ positive family member. I believe we will get there in time but I still feel somewhat protective in this way. If someone has a problem with "our" HIV then they will have a problem with the whole family and not one innocent member of it.
General HIV maintenance and daily precautions:
This is really the simpler part of HIV adoption, as compared to the previous question.
1. Although it is so tempting to do so (kidding!) there is absolutely no sharing of razors and toothbrushes allowed. I keep all razors and toothbrushes up high out of the reach of little fingers, just to be on the safe side. I do not know if HIV has actually been spread this way, but we don't want to be the first, and this is what the doctor ordered.
2. No touching of blood. Again, do we really need this rule? When there is blood (and there has been a couple of times), only Mom can clean it up. Of course this doesn't scare me at all, just get it cleaned up and disposed of ASAP just like I would any of my children. It's a good idea to wear gloves (although some argue this isn't even necessary) and keep a first aide kit in the car and in several places around the house.
3. Regular doctor's appointments for IV blood draws to check HIV levels and medication levels. We do this every three months. Soon it will only be every six months.
4. Three medications are given twice a day. They are Kaletra, Epivir, and Zidovir. These are taken with food and must be on time, within an hour of scheduled dose. I have my phone alarm set to go off every day at 8am and 8pm. I was worried I would be forgetful about this, but I have really surprised myself and have done an excellent job, if I do say so myself!
5. Technically an HIV infected individual is more at risk for infections due to a lower immunity. Therefore you should be more on the cautious side when it comes to vaccinations, fevers, etc. Your doctor will help you know if and when to vaccinate, if and when to bring your child in vs. letting a fever run its course. So far this has not been an issue for us, since we are ALL healthy!
Later on we will have to worry about dating and marriage, but that doesn't scare me either. We will teach and encourage abstinence until marriage for ALL of our children. John and I were able to pull this off successfully and we are thankful to be able to be an example to our kids in this way. It is a gift to our marriage and neither of us ever EVER regretted waiting!
So now that you are well informed about the beauty and joy of HIV adoption, please go look at the wonderful children who are waiting for families! My prayer is that someone's heart has been opened to the great need and that at least one child will find a home through these blog posts. PLEASE just take a look.......and pray, donate, or better yet ADOPT. They need families, every one of them. Maybe, just maybe, one of them will be yours!!
Sarah
- I don't have any solid answers on this. But I'm pretty sure this goes for any orphanage overseas: Yes, the children ARE treated. However the resources we have here are just not available in most other countries. Our doctor said in his 20+ years of treating HIV patients he had never seen such good blood results in a child adopted from overseas. He was quite shocked actually. (The virus was low to the point of being undetectable). He said this indicated excellent care on the part of the orphanage, which makes us so grateful. The doctor made a couple of minor changes to the medications and the dosages but otherwise he was really happy with what the orphanage had already been doing. I do believe kids are generally treated shortly after being diagnosed. Our child had been receiving treatment since, I believe 2 weeks of age.
How do you deal with disclosure? Isn't it best to keep your child's HIV status confidential?
This is by far THE hardest part about HIV adoption! Who do you trust with this information, if anybody?
-On the one hand it's nobody's business, and on the other hand you KNOW people would rather know so they can be cautious.
-On one hand, it is your child's personal story you should protect. On the other hand there are many other HIV+ children needing families, and you MUST advocate for them.
-On one hand, friends might ostracize your family if they knew. On the other hand, who needs those kinds of friends anyway?
-On one hand, you can never 'untell' your secret once it is out there. On the other hand isn't the secretiveness and shame what perpetuates the stigma in the first place?
We have found that other HIV adoptive families either remain totally 100% secretive about the HIV, not even telling family or close friends, or they choose to openly educate people about HIV and HIV adoption. We have also found that there can't really be a middle of the road here. It is very difficult to just tell a few close family members and friends, and then trust that people won't be telling other people or sending anonymous letters to church or school, or questioning you at family reunions whether you have told so-and-so or not. We tried the middle of the road approach and feel much more peace with being more open about it. It is a very personal decision whether to be open about HIV or not. I don't think there is really a wrong way to handle it, as long as the child is treated with dignity and respect. After all HIV in children is really NOTHING to be ashamed of.
You should also know that according to the health department we are not required by law to tell ANYBODY, even doctors and dentists (although it is encouraged for obvious reasons). Technically all hospitals, clinics, schools, day cares, etc. should be using universal precautions anyway, thus the reason why it is not mandatory to disclose. The only time you must disclose by law is when you are putting another person at risk knowingly. A little surprising, huh? We have chosen to disclose to church and school, mostly because we didn't want them finding out through someone else and then freaking out on us.
So far friends and family members have exceeded our expectations and have been surprisingly and graciously, KIND, loving and accepting of our family, all of us! Thank you Jesus for a big prayer answered as we took a giant step of faith. Thank you friends and family!
As I'm sure you've noticed I am not ready to go all out and name the HIV+ positive family member. I believe we will get there in time but I still feel somewhat protective in this way. If someone has a problem with "our" HIV then they will have a problem with the whole family and not one innocent member of it.
General HIV maintenance and daily precautions:
This is really the simpler part of HIV adoption, as compared to the previous question.
1. Although it is so tempting to do so (kidding!) there is absolutely no sharing of razors and toothbrushes allowed. I keep all razors and toothbrushes up high out of the reach of little fingers, just to be on the safe side. I do not know if HIV has actually been spread this way, but we don't want to be the first, and this is what the doctor ordered.
2. No touching of blood. Again, do we really need this rule? When there is blood (and there has been a couple of times), only Mom can clean it up. Of course this doesn't scare me at all, just get it cleaned up and disposed of ASAP just like I would any of my children. It's a good idea to wear gloves (although some argue this isn't even necessary) and keep a first aide kit in the car and in several places around the house.
3. Regular doctor's appointments for IV blood draws to check HIV levels and medication levels. We do this every three months. Soon it will only be every six months.
4. Three medications are given twice a day. They are Kaletra, Epivir, and Zidovir. These are taken with food and must be on time, within an hour of scheduled dose. I have my phone alarm set to go off every day at 8am and 8pm. I was worried I would be forgetful about this, but I have really surprised myself and have done an excellent job, if I do say so myself!
5. Technically an HIV infected individual is more at risk for infections due to a lower immunity. Therefore you should be more on the cautious side when it comes to vaccinations, fevers, etc. Your doctor will help you know if and when to vaccinate, if and when to bring your child in vs. letting a fever run its course. So far this has not been an issue for us, since we are ALL healthy!
Later on we will have to worry about dating and marriage, but that doesn't scare me either. We will teach and encourage abstinence until marriage for ALL of our children. John and I were able to pull this off successfully and we are thankful to be able to be an example to our kids in this way. It is a gift to our marriage and neither of us ever EVER regretted waiting!
So now that you are well informed about the beauty and joy of HIV adoption, please go look at the wonderful children who are waiting for families! My prayer is that someone's heart has been opened to the great need and that at least one child will find a home through these blog posts. PLEASE just take a look.......and pray, donate, or better yet ADOPT. They need families, every one of them. Maybe, just maybe, one of them will be yours!!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
More questions and comments about HIV
Does your child know he/she has HIV?
I don't think so but we will be open as soon as it is developmentally appropriate.
What do you mean it can never be transferred from "child to child or child to adult"? Does that mean that only adults can spread it or am I reading that wrong?
I suppose it COULD be spread from child to child but someone would really have to try hard to do it. What I meant is that it is not spread by engaging in regular childhood activities, such as playground injuries, sports, swimming, etc., but rather it is spread through intimate and risky 'adult' contact (sex and IV sharing), OR from mother to child (although nowadays even this is preventable through medications. Our child's biological mother did not receive any prenatal care, thus spread it unnecessarily to her child. Isn't it a shame, something totally preventable passed on to a child who will have to live with it for a lifetime.)
I don't think so but we will be open as soon as it is developmentally appropriate.
What do you mean it can never be transferred from "child to child or child to adult"? Does that mean that only adults can spread it or am I reading that wrong?
I suppose it COULD be spread from child to child but someone would really have to try hard to do it. What I meant is that it is not spread by engaging in regular childhood activities, such as playground injuries, sports, swimming, etc., but rather it is spread through intimate and risky 'adult' contact (sex and IV sharing), OR from mother to child (although nowadays even this is preventable through medications. Our child's biological mother did not receive any prenatal care, thus spread it unnecessarily to her child. Isn't it a shame, something totally preventable passed on to a child who will have to live with it for a lifetime.)
My children's favorite babysitter is HIV positive. The fear we were taught in high school health classes is not the reality. I am so glad that my children will grow up knowing the truth and not the lies we were taught.
Awesome Jill! I would love to hear more about your babysitter and how she deals with the stigma, and relationships. I don't actually know any other people with HIV in real life!
I do have a question....Does your insurance cover the meds or are there places that give you meds for free?
There are many many kinds of medications available today. Our insurance covers all but $25/ month for each of the three daily medications we administer. We signed up for a promotional with the drug company where we take a monthly survey (short-only 5 minutes long or so). In exchange they give us a coupon for up to $100 a month towards whatever our insurance doesn't cover. In other words, we pay absolutely NOTHING for medications!! I'm sure this will vary by state or by insurance company, but we have been very pleasantly surprised with the financial aspect of managing HIV.
Would you be open to doing a post devoted to HIV... what meds, extra precautions, extra doctors visits, etc?
My heart is there, my husband's is coming along...
My heart is there, my husband's is coming along...
I too would be very interested to learn about the ins and outs of caring for an HIV+ child -- the "maintenance," the medications/appts., the cost, special precautions/measures, etc.
I will answer this on a separate post, after I have some time to organize my thoughts. Let me just say first that whatever extra precautions and appointments come along with your child will be totally worth it! More soon.
And here was my favorite comment, from Lisa:
Love that you've started sharing about HIV! My Olivia has her own blog and is HIV+ if anyone would like to see what a "real live child with HIV" is like! :)
http://heroesinspiringvision.blogspot.com
http://heroesinspiringvision.blogspot.com
How wonderful to see that this beautiful young lady is comfortable with being open about her HIV and her adoption. I love her! Thank you Lisa for sharing your daughter with us! I believe we will eventually 'get there' as well.
Monday, November 8, 2010
FAQ #1 about HIV adoption
Question: "Aren't you afraid you will get HIV if your child gets scratched, or bleeds?"
NO!
At one point, yes I was afraid this might be a risk. But then the Lord allowed us to meet a wonderful online friend, and then later a doctor and his wife, who were also adopting children with HIV. And while on our adoption trip we had the opportunity to meet another doctor who deals exclusively with HIV+ children. All of these people and their knowledge and experience helped ease our fears and answer our questions about HIV and HIV adoption.
You are at risk of contracting HIV if you fit into one of two categories:
1. You live a high risk lifestyle (sexual promiscuity, and IV drug sharing)
2. You were born to, or breastfed by, an individual who engages in high risk activities.
Twenty five years ago or so, you would have been at risk if you received blood transfusions, but this is no longer considered a risk factor, as blood is now thoroughly screened for HIV and other diseases.
HIV is never transferred through casual contact such as hugging, kissing, sneezing, swimming, bathtubs, toilets, etc. and never from child to child or child to adult.
So NO I am not afraid of getting HIV and you shouldn't be either! We take care of cuts and scrapes and bleeding exactly the same way we care for all of our children. We clean up the blood and dispose of it as soon as possible. We keep cuts covered. Our rule is that if someone bleeds, Mom is called to clean it up. No matter who it is. Just normal stuff.
NO!
At one point, yes I was afraid this might be a risk. But then the Lord allowed us to meet a wonderful online friend, and then later a doctor and his wife, who were also adopting children with HIV. And while on our adoption trip we had the opportunity to meet another doctor who deals exclusively with HIV+ children. All of these people and their knowledge and experience helped ease our fears and answer our questions about HIV and HIV adoption.
You are at risk of contracting HIV if you fit into one of two categories:
1. You live a high risk lifestyle (sexual promiscuity, and IV drug sharing)
2. You were born to, or breastfed by, an individual who engages in high risk activities.
Twenty five years ago or so, you would have been at risk if you received blood transfusions, but this is no longer considered a risk factor, as blood is now thoroughly screened for HIV and other diseases.
HIV is never transferred through casual contact such as hugging, kissing, sneezing, swimming, bathtubs, toilets, etc. and never from child to child or child to adult.
So NO I am not afraid of getting HIV and you shouldn't be either! We take care of cuts and scrapes and bleeding exactly the same way we care for all of our children. We clean up the blood and dispose of it as soon as possible. We keep cuts covered. Our rule is that if someone bleeds, Mom is called to clean it up. No matter who it is. Just normal stuff.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Orphan Sunday- HIV adoption
November is National Adoption Awareness Month, and today is Orphan Sunday. It's been an emotional day for me, as I have remembered the orphans we met and left behind. We are so happy to have Joseph and Ava and Zoya with us, but this post is dedicated to the ones who are still waiting for a family to call their own.
When we met Joseph, and later Zoya, we had the opportunity to meet and interact with the most wonderful group of little orphan boys! I still think about these boys all the time. Zoya and I look at their photos and she waves at them and kisses the computer screen. These little boys would make wonderful sons!
I hugged and held these boys. I sang songs to them. I let them take pictures with my camera. I pushed them on the merry-go-round. We played playdough and did puzzles together. And I know there is a family, or families, who are missing out because they don't have these little boys in their lives.
They are all about five years old. They are cute, charming, sweet, and funny! Every one of them! And they are all available for adoption!
They are best friends. Practically brothers.
There is one more thing that they all have in common. It is the one thing that has caused them to remain orphans for so long. Three little letters that have kept them from getting families.
They all have HIV.
They all have HIV.
Meet Dillon......
Nick.....
Owen.....
Cole.....
Who will pick me, they ask? When will I have a Mommy to tuck me in and a Daddy to wrestle with me?Do they know that the reason adoptive parents come for their friends and not for them? Do they know that their HIV scares many people away?
Well I am here to tell you that HIV adoption is really not as scary as it seems. It is really quite do-able and a great blessing. There are medications now that can help these kids live long and healthy (and normal) lives, and HIV+ individuals can even now safely marry and have children with certain precautions being taken. It is only spread through very high risk activities, and never from child to child or child to adult.
......Yet they are still waiting.
How do I know for sure that HIV adoption is really a blessing and not a big deal? Because our family has done it!! And we would have missed out on the most wonderful blessing, had we been too afraid to say yes!!
Why am I telling you this? For three reasons.
Why am I telling you this? For three reasons. 1. First we are not ashamed and we do not like the feeling of keeping a "secret". Our HIV+ child, nor any other HIV+ child ever did anything to wrong to contract it, thus there really isn't a need to be ashamed.
2. We want to give you an opportunity to ask questions. I know you have them! I would rather you ask than just wonder. Please ask and I will answer as honestly as I can.
3. There are many, many HIV+ children waiting to be adopted. They DESERVE A CHANCE. Unless we speak out and tell the truth about HIV and HIV adoption, the ignorance and stigma will continue. We speak out on behalf of kids like Dillon, Owen, Nick and Cole.
For more information about HIV adoption, see Positively Orphaned.
To see a list of HIV+ children waiting for adoption, see Reece's Rainbow.
Again, please ask questions! I will be blogging more about HIV and HIV adoption soon. Hopefully I can answer some of your questions.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Beauty
In October of 2006, Miss World, Tatyana Kukharzhova, visited a certain orphanage in Ukraine. She held a certain baby girl while she was there. They had their picture taken together. Do you recognize that sad baby girl with the beautiful blue eyes?
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