Sunday, October 18, 2009

Our adoption status

I have sat down to blog about five times about what is happening with our adoption, and every time either I end up in tears, or I change my mind at the last minute. This morning I hit post and then went back and deleted it. I forgot that the post still shows up in google reader, so some of you were still able to see it. :)

For those who didn't, I'll try again now.

We have put our adoption on hold while we are trying to figure out whether the children we are adopting are truly orphans or whether their families would be better served by staying intact through a family sponsorship program. It has come to our attention that many Ethiopian families are putting their children up for adoption because of poverty, and we have thought long and hard about this concept. I know that if I were a mother who was struggling to feed my children, I would hope that before someone paid $30,000-$35,000 to adopt my children, they would first offer to help me keep and feed and educate my children. And when a mother relinquishes her children because of poverty, and the children are adopted out to the United States, who then feeds and cares for the mother left behind?

These are some of the things we have been thinking about and praying about for the last few weeks. We are trying to work with our agency to get answers to some of the questions we have been asking for weeks, and we are asking our agency to allow us to proceed through another agency who will help us investigate the reasons the children were relinquished just recently from living, healthy parents. There are many not-so-pretty details to this story that I will leave out for now but that is the general summary.

We have fully committed to these children no matter what. We would still love to make them Urbans if indeed they are unwanted, abandoned, or have been abused in any way. But if we find out the mothers truly love them, we hope to offer our support in another way, even if that means being life-long sponsors and pen pals.

Please keep the children and their Ethiopian families in your prayers as we try to engage our agency's cooperation to try to find what is truly best for them. We do not have much control over some of these things but we believe the Lord is on their side and will help us find the best way to help them.

25 comments:

June Berger said...

Praying for the truth to come out and for peace and comfort for you. You are doing a wonderful thing by looking for the truth, no matter how difficult the answers might be.

Julie said...

Praying for you as you are going through this difficult time. God's love WILL prevail. Praying that God will continue to bless your lives as you live out His Love to these families.

Mary said...

Praying for you and your family...you must be going through so much right now. Good for you for trying to find out the truth, though.

MamaPoRuski said...

This is a courageous stand. Praying for God to make crooked paths straight, and his purposes to be done in all lives involved! HUGS!

choose said...

Hi. I couldn't figure out how to email you privately so I hope it's okay that I write on your comments. I found your blog through the Adopt(ed) blog. I commented once on that blog (adopted1). I'm sorry for the confusion and pain you must feel right now. How awful! I hope it's okay for me to ask how you found out about the (common) practice of child harvesting in Ethiopia? Did you see the documentary "Fly Away Children"? I am shocked, honestly, to see your response to your becoming aware of this situation, no matter how you heard. Most adoptive parents at the groups I speak at call me "anti-adoption" and don't want to hear about even the remote possibility of child trafficking. I was adopted from an orphanage and know first hand that placing a child in an orphanage is in many cases considered a temporary solution on the part of the parents, who fully expect their "lot in life" to change and someday be able to reunite with their children. Most people think I'm "anti-adoption" when I speak about this. Not so! I see my own adoption as a blessing and chose adoption as our first and only choice for creating our own family. Anyway, if you want to, you can email me privately at ichoosejoy1@gmail.com or check out my blog www.IChooseJoy.ca Blessings on you during this difficult time, Jennifer

Pan Cratius said...

You've done the right thing, and we'll all stand together til you get to the bottom, I'm sure if you find that the children really did want to stay with the mother, and she got some fast talker to tell her that her kids would be better off in America, you'll feel GOOD after it's over knowing you did the right thing. Otherwise, let's believe that like Daniel, Esther, Nehemiah and Joseph, who were taken away from parents at a young age, God may have something very sovereign and supernatural on the grill.

Zack, Jenn and William said...

Praying for you guys. May God provide the clarity and answers you need, and may He cover those 3 precious children with love, nourishment, good health, protection, and peace.

Larsen Family said...

Been praying for you. I saw the posting yesterday, but when I clicked on it; it wouldn't show it to me. I am glad I read the update, I can't imagine how hard this has been for you. I will continue to lift you and your family up.

BTW, yay Ava for using the potty.

Adeye said...

Whew--that is SUCH a hard call. I hear your heart and would probably do the exact same thing you are doing if I were in your shoes.

I KNOW God will lead and guide you as you make this terribly difficult decision. You will KNOW what He is saying.

Standing with you and trusting!

Bethany said...

I hate that this is happening. But you are so right. Praying you get answers soon!

kirsten said...

My heart aches for what you are going through....were praying.

Anonymous said...

Praying that you find the truth behind how and why these precious children have been placed for adoption. I too have heard of child harvesting and just recently watched a video clip on it. Praying for your family, and for the child. Kelly

Shelley said...

I'm praying for you and John as you walk this journey. It is not easy and you are facing so much opposition in choosing to do what is right instead of what is easy.
(((HUGS))) to you my friend!
We're praying with you!

Justine said...

This is so courageous, Charissa, and the true heart of adoption. I am impressed by your resolve and will be praying with you through this process.

Anonymous said...

Trusting that God has a plan and that you guys have a heart for doing God's will, I know that those kids have a future, God is listening to all these prayers. I second Pan Cratius's comments, too.
Sherri Sickafoose

Anonymous said...

John and Charissa,
You and your whole family are amazing. God has used you and your willing hearts in so many ways. He blesses you continually because of your faithfulness. There is absolutely no way that you will lose in this. You are already victorious...and we just need to patiently wait for God's timing to show you His plan. God has heard the prayers from your heart and the prayers of all of your supporters. He will not fail you; you will be amazed at how He is orchestrating all of this. There is more to this than what you can see, I truly believe it. I love you all and you are in my prayers.
Love, Aunt Sharon

Milena said...

You are indeed doing the right thing even though it's painful! Adoption is a wonderful thing - for those children who NEED it. I hope you will find an answer to your questions without painful delays, that you will find peace of mind and that you will be able to do what is best for those sweet children, whether it will be in Ethiopia or at your home. You are deeply in my thoughts.

jennifer... said...

Well-said, Charissa. I'm convinced that God is using you to help more adoptive families find the straighter path to the children that really need them.

Christine said...

Charissa-- you are my hero! What a concept-- one that is of a generous and loving spirit. It would be so much easier to just bring them home, but you are setting an example, I would love to see more people follow, including myself. Thanks for being you!

Charissa said...

Thanks everyone for your very kind and supportive words. I know this might be hard for some people to understand. We are all for adopting children who need a family but not at the expense of a birth mother who loves them even more desperately than we do. What has made this situation particularly difficult is not being able to get the answers and the cooperation we need from the people who have the power to help. Thanks again for the support and the prayers, everybody.

Molly said...

Charissa, first I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. And I want to thank you so much for thinking of the birth parent situation and the reality of what has been going on in Ethiopia. I didn't comment for a while because I needed to think over my response if any, but it's been said more than once now... A birth mother that PLACES a child for adoption does not mean she doesn't want them. It does not mean she doesn't love them. In fact, many times that's why she is placing them because she loves them so much and she knows she cannot give that child what she thinks they deserve. As much as that tears her heart apart...she chooses for them to have a family.

I pray that you can get the answers that you need to know how God is calling you to move forward. Its such a fine line and I pray that as God speaks to your heart, you hear ever so clearly what He is asking of you.

So proud of you friend! My heart hurts for this situation and for the frustrating place you must be in not getting the answers that you need! Praying...

Michelle said...

The grace in which you walk is evident. Thank you for caring for these children to the point of putting your feelings aside so they can have what they need. This is beautiful. This is love. We could all learn from your experience. In fact I think as I read these comments above. We are.

Love and believe in you completely.

michelle

chrissy.nicole said...

Hello Urban Family,
My heart truly goes out to you. And I can truthfully say that I understand the feeling you are having, while living in the first city here in China we found ourselves caught in a very similar heartbreaking adoption/orphanage situation. We were devastated. I was devastated, it took weeks for me to filter through all of the questions in my mind. But I can tell you the only way I survived that season of my life, the Holy Spirit kept speaking to my heart that "nothing takes our God surprise" and "He is not shaken when our worlds seem to be crumbling". God allowed your family to fall in love with these children while having the knowledge of their situation. And I am SO encouraged that your family is truly seeking what's best for these children regardless. To hear you say that you are committed to those children no matter what is simply Christlike and is the true attitude of adoption. I'll be praying for your beautiful family and your children in Ethiopia. And I'll be praying that you receive clear and responsible information back from your agency.

RACHEL said...

May the truth be revealed and there be light in the darkness. Blessings on you and your family as you seek to love children around the world, whether they stay there or come to you. Your mother's heart seems to know no limits.

Michelle said...

C, well, you know how I feel. But let me say it again, thank you. So many people would put their own needs first, scoop up the children and run. You and John are seeing a bigger picture in bits and pieces, and it is so like you to need to put the pieces together and understand the whole picture before you take such a drastic action. I know the struggle to seek the truth and be stymied in that is the bigger thing here. But GOD knows the truth, and no doubt He is behind your hesitation. Hope you and John are on the same page throughout this test, my heart is with you, with the kids, and with their moms. You amaze me, my friend.