My computer time is so limited these days, so I haven't been able to respond individually to all the comments and suggestions and ideas, but I am taking notes and making phone calls and scheduling appointments, and I feel we are slowly but surely coming up with a good plan. Thank you all so much! I will keep you updated.
I wanted to respond to a comment that I got. I know it wasn't meant to be rude but I thought it was an opportunity to explain further about what I meant about Zoya and the possibility of her having FAS.
You mean you didn't know Zoya had FAS?! *I* can tell for crying out loud and all I've seen of her is pictures. She has such a "classic" look to her of a child with FAS.
We suspected that FAS might have been a possibility long before we even had Zoya's SDA appointment. We had seen photos of her that we had shared with friends, and we knew she had enough facial features that we needed to prepare for the possibility. We asked around and sought out FAS support long before we even adopted her. Just because I never mentioned the FAS before now does not mean we didn't know it was a possibility. I say 'possibility' because it has never been officially diagnosed. I have asked several doctors and none of them have given me a definite answer. Even the orphanage director shrugged his shoulders and admitted that while some of the physical features were present, and her mother did indeed drink while pregnant, he had personally never seen any other behavioral indicators of FAS. We determined long ago that we would love her, FAS or not, and that is just what we have done and are doing. Mostly I haven't mentioned the possibility of FAS until now because I felt the need to protect her. I didn't and still don't want to put a label on her that will always stay with her. For months I have avoided mentioning it here for this reason until I felt it was becoming a pink elephant in the room. How many of you saw it but were afraid to tell me? :) Then again, some of the features of cleft palate are similar to FAS so it is very hard to say for sure. It's my understanding that FAS is difficult to diagnosis but we plan on seeing a genetic doctor soon and hopefully he will be able to clear up the mystery.
So, if you were worried that we missed something, we have not! We will love Zoya just the same with FAS or without!