Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Behavior modification plan

Ava has a couple of bad behaviors which I didn't intentionally withhold from you but it came to my attention recently when I met a blog friend for the first time, and Ava kept pinching her little boy's arm and pulling his hair (and laughing about it). My friend was very gracious about it, but was just surprised since I apparently had never mentioned it before.

Yes, she is very naughty that way!

She also has a terrible habit of throwing plates, cups, food, silverware, toys, etc.. Very naughty.

Tonight we were reading books together on the bed and she threw the books across the room, did the sign for "NO", gave herself a swat on the butt.....and laughed.

I think it's time for a new behavior modification plan.

19 comments:

Amy said...

My little Caroline is very naughty too.
Very defiant and ALWAYS getting in to trouble.
I need to figure something out too.
It is wearing me out.

Jill said...

Well, now, she certainly has the routine down doesn't she?

thedickinsonfamily said...

No worries. I know bad behavior is not cute but it was priceless to see Marcus' face when Ava would pull his hair or pinch him. He is usually the one swatting at someone else. I will admit he is getting better. He's likely to start swinging when he get's excited and can't hardly control himself. I'm sure it is from the lack of stimulization after being left in a crib for 3 years, poor guy. Ava is a doll baby. We are looking forward to our next playdate.

Pan Cratius said...

Life has it´s challenges...when you get this one unraveled, something else will pop up.

Amy L said...

Jimmy was a thrower, Caleb wasn't until Elijah came home throwing and now Caleb has started it, but just a little. Jimmy never pinched, bit....but Caleb bit a few times. So far Elijah hasn't bitten or pinched anyone but he swats at Caleb once in a while. He's so tiny, it doesn't hurt but Caleb yells "Nyet!!" Gentle!" It's really cute! If she has any new behaviors, she may be imitating another child at school. Our children are great imitators of good stuff and unfortunately on occasion, the bad. If at any time you can praise Hope or another small child in front of Ava for being gentle or not throwing....it may help Ava. I know you probably know all of this, but just to let you know you are not alone.:)
Amy

Anonymous said...

My special needs granddaughter would pinch and/or bite when she was excited, scared, anxious, nervous, etc.!! We were black and blue most of the time! She eventually outgrew these behaviors as she has gotten more confident and assured.
Sharon

Alicia said...

my husband keep telling me that what i see in blogs are just cute pictures but he doesnt think we are ready for 'bad behavoirs'

Anyway, we used 1,2,3 magic with Elias it really worked

Larsen Family said...

1,2,3 Magic is really good. I don't know on it's effectiveness with special needs kids. But I have used it on both of mine. FYI. I will try to use it on Olivia when we get her, too. Good luck. The best word of advice is CONSISTENCY. Whatever you do, do it CONSISTENTLY, they will get the picture.

Christine said...

Very normal Charissa-- I am sure you know that. ;)

Adeye said...

Trusting God will and guide you as you put a new plan in action.
I did have to smile at the little swat on the behind :)

JKI said...

I have heard 123 Magic works well with special needs kids, in fact our area's special needs council had a conference where their author spoke. We bought the book for our own naughty little man (typical, and laughs his head off when we discipline him) and our sneaky girl (autism) likes to sneak off with non-food objects and eat them, pinches, and hits. *sigh*.

jennifer... said...

No advice -- just a good laugh! You're pretty smart, Ava.

Wendy said...

Hey Charissa, (Sorry so long)

I know at times these behaviors are frustrating and seem never ending.... but don't worry usually its a phase but sometimes we can help get through it over a little faster(which helps our sanity)!

Someone posted about 123 Magic which is what the girl's school uses(their private pre-school did too). I use it more sometimes along with a couple of other techniques. 123 Magic is helpful but takes time to teach and learn. Carley picked up the technique much faster than Macey but she is getting it.

Both my girls are very different in some ways and in others very much the same. (Time-out impacts Macey much more than Carley)

When Carley was younger it seemed that some of her naughty behaviors just couldn't be stopped (she use to pull hair & sometimes very spitefully and usually mine!) I tried pulling hers, popping her hand, stopping her just before and starring at her meanly etc... nothing seemed to work. But I did start noticing that popping her hand/hiney etc.. really didn't work it seem to bring out other undesirable behaviors. However if I could turn a situation into something positive it worked like a charm! (ex. Carley dumped the dog food bowl.... instead of saying over and over no, I finally said Carley can you HELP MOMMY (she loves helping) and pick the dog food up and put it back in the bowl. Carley would say.. "Oh Yes mama and do it. Right after she finished I would say thank you for putting it back and please don't play in the food it is against the rules. Carley would say okay mama! We usually didn't have to address the issue again for a long time and/or sometimes never again. Also Time out worked pretty good but 123Magic seems to work better for her.

Now with Macey I also found that popping her etc didn't work. It only made her do the same to others and again brought undesirable behaviours out...plus it was probably the normal thing for her (I learned a lot by watching her play with her baby dolls...another long interesting story). I imagine part of that is because of where she came from and it was normal for her to get a spanking or at least seeing it done all the time.

What really hit home to Macey was time out. When I first started this process it was some place she could get right out of and she would..(so frustrating also became confusing to her)! So I set up a port-a-crib in another room in a safe spot and couldn't see anything or anyone. I used The Super Nanny metod(sort of). If she hit I got on her level, would hold her hand tell her, no, hitting hurts, and then with hand over hand rub the persons arm where she hit and tell her gentle touch then say if you hit again your going to time out. Second time I would get down on her level again, I said no hitting, it hurts, your going to time out. I would put her in the port-a-crib (we never used it for anything but time-out)and then walked out of the room instantly. No further attention making sure she couldn't see me. This worked like a charm but it was heart wrenching(she had the sadest cry and this is when I saw real tears proabably for the first time, so I knew it was working). I didn't leave her in Time out the full minute for every year of age. (usually a minute or two was plenty) I went back said no hitting, it hurts gentle touches only, took her out of time-out and gave her a hug, .... Bingo I saw real changes. The bad part was I had to catch the behavior instantly and act very quickly to make sure she got it! eventually we had to use something different than the port-a-crib so we started using a tall barstool chair in the same room.(but she is use to sitting in this chair so it was safe but in a different room it was the naughty chair.) Now I can usually give her a time out warning and most of the time she stops...... She really doesn't like to be out-casted in time out.

Praying your little ones phase passes quickly with little to no frustration!

Wendy said...

Oh I almost forgot.... Beth over at Hannah's Shenanigans. Gave a couple of us the great idea of having a placemat with a pictures cues such as: circle for the plate a circle for the cup and then outlines for the silverware that way it was a visual cue of where to place our plates, cup and utensils ......NOT ON THE FLOOR... Carley was a thrower too!

Charissa said...

Thanks for all the great GREAT encouragement and advice. Love you guys!!

Arizona mom to eight said...

Is she Kara's twin sister? Sigh, Friday I was hugging Kara and she bit me, she laughed her head off afterwards, but not when she got time out for 5 minutes...She has very challenging behaviors too. Naughty Kara! Sounds like typical orphanage behaviors, so many of our kids struggle with similar issues.

Amanda does it less, but she can be haughty too.

Melissa said...

Oh Goodness :) Hoping you find something that works for all of you. I have to say I have learned some nice tips from the comments.

Her disciplining herself cracked me up! :D

Alana said...

Kendra always told me kids (Typical and non-typical) do one of three things - hit, bite or pull hair. Lucy, well, she hit. One thing I have learned through the national conventions is our kids hit out of frustration. It isn't like typical kids - there is usually a reason for it. She got your attention when you weren't giving it to you (Instead to your friend), or it was her way of saying hello to the little boy. When our kids can't talk, they use other methods. If you need help (or someone to bounce ideas off of) try Kendra or Kim. They are both EXCELLENT and have helped me so much with Lucy. Lucy used to yell "STOP" in this evil voice to everyone and I finally realized it was because she didn't know how to say "Hello, my name is Lucy. Would you like to play" Now I tell her those aren't nice words and what does she want to say. It is starting to work.

As for throwing plates, etc. Oh...we went through that too (And I am going through it again with Holden) But, we velcroed Lucy's plates to the table (at school) and it helped her. She learned that the plate wasn't going to move and eventually she started leaving it alone.

Oh - Lucy also gets "two choices" You can stop hitting or your are going to time out. Etc, etc. Most of the time the choices are hysterical but she knows "Two choices" and then "1-2-3" and she stops...OR ELSE.

It takes three times as long with our kids to learn something, but trust me, they can still out smart us everytime!

Alana said...

Oh! Oh!

And visual schedules might help her too. Just a thought.