Monday, July 19, 2010
Question #4 Do you really love your adopted children as "your own"?
Well I suppose everyone might answer this question differently. I can honestly say I love my adopted children as my own, because they became my own as soon as I adopted them! As we try to teach all of our children, love is an ACTION more than it is a feeling, and sometimes we love when it doesn't come easily. I can honestly say there are times I don't necessarily feel love for a loved one but it wouldn't change the fact that I would do anything for them. With adoption sometimes it is love at first sight, and sometimes it is not. I read once the advice "Fake it until you make it" concerning what must sometimes be done during the transition stage until the feelings come. I remember being SO worried about this before we adopted Ava, just like I worried that I wouldn't love my second child as much as my first, and my third as much as my first and second, and my fourth as much as my first, second and third, etc. This time around I can say without a doubt, YES I love my adopted children as much as my own. I think adoptive parents should know that it is common to feel at first like you are babysitting more than you are parenting. And I also think adoptive parents should expect that their adopted children may not appreciate being adopted as much as we expect them to. We should remember that every adopted child, no matter how 'mild' their story, has suffered enormous loss, and we should be understanding if and when our adopted children need to grieve those losses. We should understand that it may take a very long time before our adopted children can learn to trust us and maybe even longer before they are ready to love us back.